Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She bit a glass in half.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
