walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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