Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
