Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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