My sheets look like a crime scene.
I need help removing her.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
