My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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