I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize