if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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