Already got asked if we're dating
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize