Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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