so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
