If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
