someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
In America we eat man semen.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
