I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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