Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
