i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
