you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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