im drinking this country out of the recession.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
