I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
