I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
