my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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