i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
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