Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i came on her dog
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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