Your mouth is God's brothel.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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