um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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