Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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