and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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