what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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