i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
