i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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