Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just high enough for therapy.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
