Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
