Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize