It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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