I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Randomize
