guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
