I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
