five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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