You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
