You just made me feel so damn special
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize