true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i wish my penis had a tongue
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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