OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Who died my cat blue again?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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