he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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