All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
