ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
