Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize