your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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