You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
