so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
