I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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