I wish I only lived at night.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
