Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
