just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
