i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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