so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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