I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
