Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
