Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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