I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
