That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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