he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
