the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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