My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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