I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
