i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
