dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
