i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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