dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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