maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
