How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
